Beware Our Insanity
by EdwardAddict
Summary: The random antics of my band and its members. Insane. Crazy. Dorks. Yes, we're all that and more. A nerdy Band is... list from a nerdy band kid. We walk the talk and talk the walk. Can you? New update
1. Chapter 1

**Okay. Now I'm inspired to write one of these things.**

**I own nothing. Not band, songs, the geeks in band(Yes, I am a geek in band), other people's instruments, nothing.**

BAND IS...

Being cool

naming your instrument

drinking Vault

getting stupid nicknames

marching in the freezing cold

putting lights on your instrument during the christmas parade

stopping in the middle of the parade to pick up candy

forgetting to close the trailer door and having a lot of instruments fall in the road

clapping to a cool song that your BD won't give you a part to

having your best friend say meow all the time

having a crush on a baritone player

making fun of the sucky flute player

having fake names like Darcy and Hannah

having half the band 'forget their instruments at home' when you have a sub

understanding "muffin"

playing poker and bullshit on exam day

guessing who got what chair a week before try-outs

getting up at three in the morning to go to regionals

hating the people who made regionals

telling on other people for things you did

scale tests

playing freeze out

playing freeze out and winning

remembering when you rode the short bus

telling your friends about your band geek-ish cousin who wants to be just like the band director he never met

the BD playing mind games with the band

the smell of Mr. Twigg's coffee

being hyped up on Vault before the big concert

singing the words to the songs to make a friend laugh at you

making someone else laugh instead

making fun of the weird BD coughmr.d'virgiliocoughcough

the BD telling the flutes how everyone else sucks

dropping your piccolo and praying it's ok

knowing you're a band geek

writing stories about your band

cameras

stealing the camera that has a bad picture of you

'Accidentally' cussing in front of a holiness girl

stopping in the middle of a song because of your director's funny hair style

telling the director what to wear

the BD saying that no one appreciates the classics anymore and nearly believing him

praying you made regionals

holding your case with only a pinky and nearly breaking your finger

inside jokes

hating a song you used to love

despising the man that created the wizard of oz music

laughing out loud at the substitute

having the BD tell you no one can sing

singing really bad because he told you that

the BD making jokes about himself

the BD telling pointless stories that kill time

the BD knowing that his other band sucks big time and telling you that

skipping gym class to 'practice'

seeing Justin get hit in the crotch with a stand

trying and failing to get a song started on the bus

chewing gum

leaving home room to go to the band room to 'practice'

lying on your practice record

getting an A anyway

having to tell the lower chairs that 'it's a flipping B flat okay? Now leave me the heck alone! God! Look it up from now on! Flipping idiots!'

Reading jokes during band class

not caring if your caught

going to the mall after regionals

finding out your parents 'just so happened to be in Spencer's at the same time you are' while on the band trip

having the whole band sing "my humps" for a guy's ringtone

listening to weird lumberjack songs

liking the weird lumberjack song

listening to christmas music in January

making fun of the rival school's band when they're within earshot

the mascot/tenor sax player saying "our mascot is sexier than yours" to the rival band

doing homework instead of playing

picking out your competition for next year

being first chair because you're the only one who plays that instrument

being second chair out of two people

bringing your own stand

writing notes to people on the stands

looking in someone's band folder and finding out they're gay (yes, that did happen.)

Putting stickers on your case

breaking your instrument

being last chair and thinking that it could be worse

being third chair and knowing you're better than four other people

loving when you get new sheet music

playing the coolest song ever

actually play something the audience likes

making fun of sixth grade band kids to their faces

having a band party

bringing your ipod to band class

playing Egyptian rat screw

my best friend teaching me how to play Honolulu solitaire

keeping cards in your purse just for when you get free time

getting your purse nick named Barney's magic bag

liking that name

soothing the friend that's crying over a band crush

helping a fellow band member smuggle vault into school

loving band

making a dorky list like this

**That's all I can think of now. I think I did pretty darn good with this. Please review. I'll give you brownies. I didn't copy any of this from someone else's thing. All of this happened to me or the other members of our band.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, more stuff happened, so I'm gonna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own band. Nor do I own Vault or any thing else that's mentioned. **

**Claimer: I do own Edward and Ian. Edward's my flute and Ian's my piccolo.**

_**BAND IS**_

singing "Big Balls" while waiting for the rest of the band to vote for their president

practicing 3 hours a day when you get your instruments out

looking at a tinted bottle and laughing your head off

smuggling Vault into band class

asking your director to play the flute

saying to your friends later that day "I WILL NOT forget about the flute thing. I WILL make Mr. Twigg play it. And he WILL look like a pansy boy!"

Naming your flute Edward and your piccolo Ian

getting a headache when you play your piccolo for more than 30 minutes and playing longer anyway

calling your tenor sax "sexy sax"

laughing at the band kids in the grade below you that suck

founding the B.A.A

knowing what the B.A.A stands for

writing a mission statement for the B.A.A

having to play scales for the newbies

"forgetting" to practice over the summer

watching a percussionist break the cymbal at a concert

trying not to laugh at said percussionist

knowing you'll get first chair this year because "it's common knowledge that the best of the 8th grade is first chair. And you're the best of 8th grade."

Biting your tongue so you don't cuss the lower chairs out

reading all these band stories

starting a fashion trend

misspelling things

"My typos are cooler than yours!"

recruiting people for The Goth Club

playing hide and seek with your instruments

rushing to your room to huggle your instruments because you read a sad story about a forgotten bassoon

renaming all 65 members of the band

trying to convince them all to let you call them by their new names

PUMPERNICKEL!

when your catch phrase is "I'm a band geek and proud of it!"

obsessing over hot guys

band camp

annoying people with "that one time at band camp" stories

wearing your band shirt to watch another band play

make fun of said band

enjoying yourself while making these lists

nodding your head and laughing at this

squealing with joy every time you see that Drumline is on

having a 2 minute discussion with your BD about being nominated for class president

CAKE!

music

playing Harry Potter

downloading free sheet music off the internet

looking for Claire de Lune on that website

looking at all the new flutes and piccolos

getting called a "band geek loser"

not really caring

shouting "BAND GEEKS UNITE!" when you see your fellow band friends

knowing who the good that that is

pointing and saying "OMG! It's the _good_ that that!"

Jeorge with a J

falling while walking with your instrument

being obsessed with the word tis

WRITING THINGS LIKE THIS! WOO! lol

**Well, there ya go. Hope you enjoyed the antic of me and my band! Mostly me. Cuz I'm cooler. lol. BAND GEEKS UNITE!**


	3. Yazz Flute

**A/N: YES! I'M BACK! With more things to make you laugh. **

**I do not own band, Sam I am. **

**BUT I do own this list and Edward and Ian. **

_**Band is...**_

Finally making All Regional band

Cat fights

"I hope she chokes on her reed."

All District festival

Regional band try-outs

Sleeping in the floor

Sitting in cubbyholes

Finding a girl's purse

Getting "surprised" by the objects in said purse

Forming a club for two in the big cubbyhole in the back room

Theme songs

Having a lower chair hate you because the BD won't let her play her piccolo

Flute section pep talks

Sectionals from Hell

"I have a cymbal and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"Don't make me get the cymbal!"

Threatening to beat someone over the head with a broken cymbal

Actually doing it

Jazz flute

"I wanna play the flugelhorn, Mr. Twigg. The band in Wisconsin is getting one. Don't you want to be like them?"

The punishment Post-It

PENGUINS!

"I don't have to make sense. I'm in band."

Always being late for fourth period because you stay in the band room

Telling everyone that penguins will take over the world in 418 days

Band cults

Being labeled

Having no shame

"Oh, you're very sexy."

Meow

Having the trumpet player steal your piccolo

"NO! HELP HELP! HER CLARINET IS TRYING TO RAPE IAN! IAN'S NOT THAT WAY! HE'S GAY! NOW STOP IT!"

Arranging play dates for your instruments

Trying out for Regional Band with a broken reed

Mama Flute

Papa Flute

Baby Flute

Recognizing at least 15 people at Regional Try-Outs

Stealing cell phones

Erasing pictures

Text messages

Emo Kid

xStraight Edgex

Missing the Christmas parade

Half the class failing the band exam

"I didn't know it was even _possible_ to fail band!"

Subconsciously marching in step with your friends

Throwing things at people you don't like

Paying your guy friend a dollar to hold still for a picture

Using shiny quarters to bribe people

"Hmm...Mr. Twigg has a bunch of chest hair..."

Naming your section The Sexy Beasts

Running around outside screaming when you should be practicing

Claire the Clarinet being wanted for the rape of Ian the Piccolo

FINALLY turning your gay flutes straight

MSN

AIM

The toy store

Writing "Words and Phrases You Never Knew Were Dirty - A Dictionary"

Passing band jokes around the room

Switching instruments

The Pink Parachuters

"I would look hotter wet."

Baby tubas! Aww!

"Everything in band is sexual."

Declaring war on the trombones

Writing sexual notes and putting them on people's cases

Playing hacky sack

Having all the drummers forget what _p_ stands for because "they don't know how to play that soft."

Boyfriends

Typo language

The BEST rant ever! IE: The band director jumping on the hypocrites. ("I don't see how you can get up and pray in the lunch room and then come to band and gossip about other people.")

Laughing throughout the entire Hypocrite Rant

Having every one but the BD know that you were laughing

"Mr. Twigg was pretty hot back in the day." (I didn't say that. Sarah did it!)

Spreading the joys of sXe to your friends. Or at least trying to

Friends moving away

Break-ups

Dorks

Band love

But mostly, band is about having fun and being goobers.

**A/N: Yeap. That's all for now. I'll get more up after our chair try-outs. If you want to know about anything in here (inside jokes, people, my used-to-be-gay-but-are-straight-for-now flute and piccolo), just leave a review. **

**Suggestions are welcome, reviews are love.**


	4. Sheep

**A/N: Mmkay. The flutes' chair tryouts are over. I got first, my friend Mary got second, Stephanie third, my friend Amanda fourth, and Brooke fifth. Twigg only seats the first half of the section, so yea. I'm so happy! **

**But Regional Band is this weekend. SuperBowl weekend for the love of all the is holy! Grr. **

**Anyway, here's the new installment.**

_**Band is...**_

Crushing on a pianist.

Saying "I love you" to many members of the band.

Substitutes.

"Logan, pull down your shit. She can see your freakin' butt."

Your brother's friend subbing.

Learning from the sub.

"One more time. If it's perfect."

Myspace.

Writing "How Not To Break Up With Someone."

The baritone player writing a love song for the male sub.

Unofficially declaring "Irreplaceable" as your band theme song.

Doing above because your director has told you that "none of you are Irreplaceable. I could get another drummer just like that."

Being threatened to get kicked out of band.

Out Of My League by Stephen Speaks.

Coming out about your religion.

Having the support of your band friends.

Planning a three way lesbian marriage.

Saying that the three of you are going to honeymoon at KFC.

Planning to name your child Ken Tucky Showrrell.

Planning your divorce.

Deciding the custody of Ken.

All in a ten minute time span.

Cookies.

"What's sXe? Oh! It's the new way to spell sexy, right?"

Konstantine.

Being called a lesbian/queer because of your closeness with friends of the same sex.

Regional Band on SuperBowl weekend.

Burned CDs.

iPods and MP3 players.

Quoting weird songs.

Singing Irreplaceable at random times.

Blogs.

"Do you want me to beat them up for you?"

Crying in class.

"Don't ever tell me I act like Twigg. Go to ISS. No. Walk home."

Saying that the sub looks like your BD with less chest hair.

Your BD proudly displaying his chest hair. (Icky)

Almost always knowing what kind of boxers the baritone player is wearing.

Listening to the same song over and over and over.

Humming your music.

Talking to your instruments.

Getting pissed off at American Pie Band Camp for the flute thing.

Rocking out.

Writing "Yankees suck!" on the Yankees Fan's stuff.

"I'm like a bull when I head-butt you."

"And I'm like a bitch when I slap you."

Dancing with the broken cymbal you use as a weapon.

Blaming the flutes. 

Sarcasm.

Making the clarinets wait five days before telling them who got what chairs.

Clair the Clarinet finally being captured.

The reward being a shiny nickel.

"Hillary doesn't have a nickel! It's a sign of the apocalypse!"

Shock pens.

Paying your friend to throw something at people you hate.

Constant headaches from your piccolo.

"Iain?" "Iain." "Iain?" "Iain." "Iain?!" "IAIN!"

Taking pictures of your friends in skimpy outfits.

Being forced to save them.

Drawing on each other.

Practicing in the dark.

"Forget this. I don't have the attention span to take roll. You're all here."

"Actually, there's a lot of people missing..."

"Well, there here now."

Laughing.

Drama.

Degrassi.

"Holy crap! JT's dead!"

Holding a ceremony for JT.

Making a birthday cake for a fictional character but forgetting your mom's birthday.

Watching the drummer drink last week's coffee.

Watching her drink today's coffee.

Her gagging both times.

"Maybe I shouldn't drink Pepsi while practicing..."

Captain Obvious, saving the world, one obvious statement at a time.

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your kids are?" "Yea. All five of them of at some orphanage in Nebraska." "Slut."

Name calling.

Group hugs!

Movie marathons.

Hangman's Curse.

Picture collages.

"He. Is. Not. Gay!"

"Shut up!"

Being called Mrs. Ingram. (Gag. My. Lungs. Up.)

Teasing.

Donuts.

"Let's start a riot! We'll start with overthrowing the trumpets!"

Planning total band domination.

Whispering about the BD behind his back.

And to his face.

All about having another family.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. I'm thinking about making a story about band subs. It'll actually be a fic and not just a list. What say you?**

**Suggestions are welcome, reviews are love.**


	5. We Have Pants

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I was just gathering more fun stuff. :P**

_**Band Is...**_

Talking across the band room at each other.

Signing to each other during class.

Singing parodies of songs with band-ish lyrics.

Singing "I'm A Gangster."

Begging to play Harry Potter.

Finally realizing that you are a true band geek.

Typos. (IE "Tyler's penguin rocks my pants off.")

Teaching the boys how to braid hair.

Making up songs during long rests in your music.

One of said songs being about your BD's chest hair.

Referring to yourself in third person.

Posting a picture of your BD from when he was a teen.

Saving said picture for revenge.

Showing it to the newbies a year later.

Having the director mad at you for that. --

Spending fifty bucks on band stuff at Regionals.

Debating weather the male flute player from Regionals is gay or not.

Having to conduct the class when the sub doesn't show.

Swearing to never step up to conduct ever again.

"So um. Who here thinks we should have run the flutes into the road to be crushed by a car?" --

Singing Irreplaceable for good luck before a performance.

Having your friend's mom go to the school to get your clarinet because you forgot it on the night of the big concert.

Playing Rook instead of practicing.

Having to play with the sixth grade band because they don't have enough people for the concert.

Finding out how bad they suck.

Penguin coloring books.

"When I grow up, I'm gonna be a professional coloring book colorer."

Falling all the time. :P

Bringing your music to Geography to work out the rough spots on your pencil.

Being so hot you make fire stop, drop, and roll.

Telling your friend you'll make a man out of him.

Making someone younger than you do pushups.

The BD showing the flutes all the pretty new piccolos he got.

Learning the Circle of Fifths.

Or at least attempting to.

Knowing the BD's pants size. (34-30) :P

Planning to get him some pants and a card that says "We all know who wears the pants in this band family!"

Trying to look innocent and failing miserably.

Wanting the BD to dress up as Mario.

Getting a 1 for sight reading at festival.

Getting a 2 for your planned performance.

Ordering a veggie burger from BK.

Having your friend defend you when some guy calls you a freak. (Love you, Bradly!)

Hugs.

Band folders ripping in half.

Asking to play a recorder and/or kazoo in class.

Playing Life on free days.

"Did it ever occur to you that you're different?"

Arguing over what "dressing nicely" means.

"The leprechauns are watching."

Stealing reeds.

Voting on weather the band goes to NYC or Florida.

Only voting for Florida because Disney World was mentioned.

Almost saying a fabulously bad curse word in front of the BD.

"We're playing School Spirit? That's just fabulous. Because I love that song."

Having your BD think you were serious about School Spirit.

Loving it all.

But most importantly, band is always having a family and a home. And they even dress the same:O


	6. Band Camp Is Coming OO

**A/N: Wooo! Summer's here. Band camp's in about a week for me. Heh. Let's hope I don't die.**

**Disclaimer: Do I need a disclaimer? Well. Here it is.**

_**Band Is...**_

Practicing two times the whole summer.

Not being able to wait for band camp so you can slap the band friend that kept calling you during the summer to wake you up.

Getting the BD to sign your yearbook.

Having serious discussions. About cheese.

Sitting in the BD's office.

Getting the principal to let you give the BD his present (pants) in front of the whole school at the end of the year concert.

Laughing oh so hard at his face.

Having him ask you how you knew his pants size.

Having EVERYONE ask how you knew his pants size.

Wishing you had a camera to capture the magic.

Trying to get people to join band.

Discovering your sister-in-law used to be on the flag guard.

Getting hyped for The Simpsons movie.

Ice cream.

Having soda come out the other end of your instrument.

Talking to your instruments.

Looking wistfully at the new instruments and equipment.

Nearly crying when summer comes because you'll miss band so much.

Having the whole band comfort you.

A huge family with little sub-groups.

Freaking out over penguins.

Obsessing over celebrities.

Stealing sheet music.

Wanting to KILL the metronome.

Having people think you're constantly high.

Having a National Guard guy come in and play the piano.

Telling him you're jealous of his mad piano-playing skills.

Jumping over five chairs.

Attempting to jump six and failing miserably.

Being pantsed.

Fighting the guy that pantsed you.

Being locked in the office.

With your stalker.

In the dark.

The director playing pranks on your other teachers during his planning period.

Putting girly lotion/glitter on the guys.

Sarcasm. And lots of it.

All about the insanity.

**A/N: Sorry it's short. It's late and I'm a little fuzzy. But like I said, band camp is soon, so I should have a lot more material then.**


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